What Kind of Player are you?

What kind of Poker Player are you?

Now I should just set this up first: I play at free games that are held in bars around Toronto. So of course I am not expecting to sit down beside a Johnny Chan or Daniel Negreanu, but it is very interesting to see all the different types of players that show up and try out the “new craze” of No Limit Texas Hold’em.

The Clueless player – Yes we all love to sit down at a table and look around too see confused faces staring back at us. “So what are these worth?” Now of course you politely tell them and help them out as much as possible because this is a friendly free game we are playing here, so it really doesn’t matter. But once you start to play and these players keep winning pots and saying “I can’t believe I am winning, this is my first time.” It starts to get on your nerves. But hey I digress and these players usually end up winning the tournaments and then never showing up again. (only to be replaced my many clones)

The Drunk player – I have to say that I find these players very funny to watch. And to be honest some people play better drunk (and even win Championships, Leslie). Now these drunk players will always be staring at you, but not quite at you, since they are probably seeing double. They will then announce “all in” in a sort of slurred type voice. Of course the one time that you actually call these types of players is when they will flip over the nuts and scream “I never lose!”

The guy with Sunglasses – I don’t wear sunglasses and I believe that you should not be allowed to wear them in tournament play. I mean if you are that afraid of people getting tells off you…well then don’t play. Look me straight in the eyes!
These guys are usually pretty funny though, because they sit there like a rock so as to give nothing away. You can try and get them to say things but they won’t move. In huge money tournaments this is fine but in play money games…get a life.

The Quiet guy in the corner – So there is a guy who doesn’t talk, plays very rarely, and then makes a huge raise out of the blue. Yep you should probably be afraid of this guy, unless his entire strategy was exactly what I just said. Then you call and take him out. (Most likely you will be leaving instead)

The Talker – Now there are two types of talkers: One is the guy who will talk about the cards and the hands after he has folded. Some will even be like damn I through away the 8-4, I would have had the straight. Well good for you! Now shut the F#$% up. If its after the hand fine, even though complaining that you would have won the hand is very annoying because in the reality of the situation you didn’t.
The other type of talker is the guy who isn’t paying attention to the game, he is ordering a beer from the hot blonde and looking at her breasts (now I am doing the same but I have already folded so it’s alright). He is yelling over to his buddy’s two tables down and he is talking on his cell phone. If you want to do all these things then please don’t sit down at the table get up and leave and come back when you are ready to play some poker.

The Know it all – So you think you are a god amongst men eh? You have read all the books and can read people like they were see-through. Well then you should be on the tour and not here playing beside me. This is the guy who will ask you “why the hell did you do that, I would have played it much better.” But you weren’t in the hand…so its not your problem now is it.

The Women in the room – There should be more women playing poker! That is really all I have to say about this but let me go a bit further. There are two types of women players, the ones that were brought there by their boyfriends and really aren’t interested in the game, we won’t want them (unless they are amazing hot) and then we have the women who actually know how to play. These women are here to kick our ass and screw with our minds. They may act as though they don’t know the game that well, but they will suck you in and take all your money away from you. Go Ladies! (unless your up against me then take it easy)